Why am i trying to be different, to make myself different to grow.
  I always slip back downhill anyways, and trying to get up and change
is soo hard.
 Especially because a large part of me doesn't actually want 
to grow or change, but
just to get the appearance of change;
 like a bird with different feathers
glued on. My God; Creator of the Universe; I need you.
Father, how I need you.